The Quiet Work of Gratitude: A Somatic Approach to Feeling Thankful
The Thankfulness Box
When my youngest sister was in elementary school, she made something that she called The Thankfulness Box. It was a small craft cardboard box covered with fall colored scrapbook paper and a stamped square on top that says ‘Give Thanks’. After putting the final touches on it, she sat it on the kitchen counter for the month of November with small scraps of notebook paper next to it so you could write down things you were thankful for. On Thanksgiving after we’d eaten, we opened up the box and took turns reading all the things we’d written.
The first year it seemed kind of like a cute idea. Around the third year, it was something we all looked forward to doing as our bodies digested our Thanksgiving dinner. By year five or six we had learned to expect that my dad would just write one thing, a poem, to sum up all the things he was thankful for and that at least one of my siblings would reference something hilarious we’d experienced during the year. Over the years, The Thankfulness Box has seen its fair share of inside jokes, middle school boy humor, tearful gratitudes, and even a new generation of first grade handwriting and phonetically misspelled words as our family has grown.
I come from a family that loves creating and keeping traditions. It could be that there are so many of us that we’ve created our own kind of family culture or that our sense of home and holiday hasn’t always been tied to the same place, but whatever the reason, we really treasure our own family lore and the rituals and stories that make the holidays feel like our own.
The thing about family traditions, though, is that they’re not always easy or effortless. Some years, it’s been hard to find things to feel grateful for, or even to feel grateful at all. Some years, life has felt so heavy that the moments meant to feel joyful feel… complicated.
That’s why gratitude is more than a list or a ritual. Gratitude isn’t something we can force. From a Somatic Experiencing perspective, we’re able to recognize gratitude when we give ourselves enough space and safety to actually feel it.
Felt Gratitude: A Somatic Perspective
Even when we want to be grateful, it can sometimes feel out of reach. Somatic Experiencing teaches that gratitude arises naturally when our nervous system is able to recognize a sense of ease and safety, which is something we actually have to feel. White knuckling our way into gratitude doesn’t always work out the way we hope it might.
In order to access that feeling of gratitude, we first have to begin with helping our nervous system to notice that we’re safe enough to actually be able to reflect and feel gratitude. Sometimes that means pausing long enough to notice something small that brings a sense of calm or comfort. Sometimes it means leaning into a quiet moment, even if it’s brief. The practice isn’t about pretending everything is perfect… it’s about slowing down and tuning in to what your nervous system can receive in the moment. Once we feel a sense of safety, then we can actually begin to pause and reflect on all that we have to be thankful for.
Practicing Gratitude
Here’s a simple everyday experiment you can try to cultivate felt gratitude:
Recall a small moment of appreciation: Close your eyes for a moment and think of something that, even briefly, brought you a sense of warmth or ease — it could be a smile, a kind word, a comforting sound, or a moment of quiet.
Notice how it lands: Pay attention to any subtle sensations that arise when you bring that moment to mind. Do you feel a softening, a gentle warmth, or a little lightness? Don’t force anything — just notice what naturally shows up.
Expand the feeling: If it feels safe, let that sense of appreciation spread a little — maybe to your hands, chest, or heart area. Treat it like letting sunlight touch a part of yourself that’s been in shadow.
Stay for a moment: Even 15–30 seconds is enough. Let the sensation register without needing to do anything with it.
Carry it forward: Open your eyes and move on with your day, noticing if that small sense of gratitude lingers, even subtly.
Practicing this regularly can help the nervous system recognize what’s safe and nourishing, allowing gratitude to emerge naturally, not as a list or obligation, but as a felt experience.
Gratitude in the Small Moments
As we move through this season, it can be easy to get caught up in the busyness, the expectations and stresses, or the tension of family gatherings. But even in small, quiet moments like enjoying your cup of coffee in the morning or noticing how good it feels when you climb in bed after a long day, we can connect with a sense of gratitude as we help our nervous system to notice safety in our environment.
The Thankfulness Box taught me that gratitude isn’t always about grand declarations or perfect words. Sometimes it’s just about creating space to notice, feel, and receive what’s already there. Those are the moments that, over time, remind us that even in the midst life’s heaviness, there is room to appreciate, to soften, and to breathe.
If you’d like more reflections and small practices like this, my monthly newsletter, Lab Notes, shares a little inspiration, a blog highlight, a service spotlight, and an everyday experiment — a gentle, practical way to bring somatic awareness into your life. Enter your email address to sign up and make sure you receive the next edition.
